心不全

Song of the day:
Audioslave - Be yourself

All good things come to an end, at one time or another. The only real influence you have is on the when and how - and I fucked up at both parts, naturally.
I broke up with S about a week ago - if I had been fair and honest, both to her and to myself, I'd have broken up a good while earlier than that. Instead, I tried to "make the best of it" and kept telling myself that it'd just be another of my depression phases and it'd pass, that everything'd be alright again soon.
I broke up with her by means of a letter; I went to BN, she picked me up at the railway station, we went to her place ... and I was desperately trying to think of a start. Of course there's never that infamous "opportunity", that "right moment" - how could there be a "right" moment to tell someone who's fiercely in love with you that you're not feeling the same anymore?! So instead of just outright telling her, I collapsed on her bed due to exhaustion, feel asleep and when I woke, she had gone out with some friends of hers. And right there it was, my "right moment" to cowardly write a letter, pack my things and leave, like a thief in the night.

I'm definitely sorry for the way I broke up with her, and partially even for the time. The former because I would never want anyone to break up with me that way, the latter because I should've done it a long time ago and it only got harder and harder to do it now.
I'm definitely not sorry that I did break up with her. I've realized now that emotionally, it's been over for a long time for me already.

So what next?
Well, there's my new place of residence in TR, "new" study programme (Japanese as major, Psychology and Political Science as minors) ... all I gotta do now is find something to do with myself, establish some kind of social network here, get my feet back on the ground and my head cleared up. Piece of cake, right? Right.

Ta-taa.